Children’s Questions

(this piece was written fall of 2007)
Since I have two children and one of them, my daughter, never shuts up I have been alternately answering and ignoring my daughter’s questions for a couple of years now. My son, just past two has now begun to talk as well.
Thankfully he seems incapable of the volume and frequency that my daughter can generate. She started talking when she turned 18 months and hasn’t taken a break since. In fact the way I determine if she has finally fallen asleep is simple. If she is not asking a question then she is unconscious.
Being kids, and cute and all they ask such cute questions.
“But why do I have to be nice to my brother?”
“Daddy is it ok to eat air?”
“Do rabbits know what fun is?”
“What do colors smell like?”
Since children know no boundries the questions often border on the strange and profane.
———–
“If Ian and me switch heads will we still laugh the same laugh?”
“Ah… I think so pumpkin.”

“Even though we will laugh with each other’s bellys?”

————

“Why are you and Grandma fat?”

“Because we eat too much food”

“Can I get fat it looks like fun?”

————–

“Can we teach Ian to sleep upside down like bats do?”

“I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

“Why not it would make him see better in the night time and he would eat up all the mosquitos. I don’t like mosquitos.”

————————

“If I put my clothes on Ian will he have to pick up all my toys?”

“No you would still have to clean up your own toys.”

“But if he was wearing my shoes then his feet would know where I was supposed to go.”

“Don’t be a silly bean. Your shoes don’t know where to go.”

“Daaaad. Every little girl knows that shoes tell your feet where to go!”

—————-

Now Ian, the two year old asks more obscure questions if such a thing is possible.

“Da,Da go Da da truck rugheehee oud!?” he asks while pointing to a pile of junk mail.

After much thought, mysteriously I reply.” Yes, the mail truck is too loud.”

“Bad!” he concludes.

——–

“Da, da aiplane oud eat ird? eat ird, ird oud ird?

Much head scratching and I reply.

“No, the loud airplanes don’t eat all of the loud birds.”

“Toooo bad.” he says, disappointed that planes don’t eat birds. You get the distinct feeling that he has his own plan for the food chain and it involves cars eating motorcycles, trucks eating cars and houses eating cars. Perhaps this stems from his fascination with the neighbor’s car being swallowed behind the automatic garage door.

———

Then, of course, there are those questions that you wish never happened.

While crying herself to sleep the other night Carolyn asks me

“Daddy why can’t you make mommy come back home?”

Some things kids don’t understand since in their world good things happen and bad things get fixed or go away.

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~ by Brad Morrison on January 1, 2010.

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