I went to sleep in Boston and I woke up in Sweden

My days of ribald skullduggery and excessive pursuit of the limits of human alcohol endurance are lost in the cloudy memories of College. Considering this you can imagine my shock when I spent a pleasant weekend in Boston, stayed with some friends, drove home through the sunshine, returned to what appeared to be my home, ate a healthy and delicious dinner prepared in what was apparently my kitchen, read deeply from two or three books finally collapsing in blissful exhaustion comforted by the familiar lumps and creases of my overworked king size mattress and awoke to the shock of discovering I was now in Sweden.  Why did it have to be Sweden!? I rose from my bed and lifted the blinds and there it was, as far as I could see Sweden.  It’s unsettling.

It seems that the universe and its laws should not allow for things like this to happen.  As the realization dawned on me I quickly checked that other universal laws had turned topsy-turvy. I dropped a shoe from height to confirm the effect of gravity. Sure enough the resounding thunk was comforting. I pinch myself, and then my bed mate for good measure. She didn’t appreciate it. Maybe that is a product of this crazy sea change.  I suspect that Swedish women don’t relish being woken with a hearty pinch in the soft skin along the ribs.

What could bring this involuntary shifting of reality? Did I ingest  a little bottle labeled “Drink Me”? No, I can’t remember having done that.  Did I once again make the mistake of drinking out of my band’s drummer’s private energy drink? The one that he judiciously hides on any and all traffic stops. That couldn’t be the case since I recall that particular mistake is accompanied by palsy-like shaking and a need to laugh.

So what could it have been. Let’s see….Hmmm… Well the clock radio clicked on and a man’s voice on NPR said quite clearly “Good Morning, it’s Monday March 22nd. 2010 and you are now living in 1980’s Sweden. ”

‘Gee, ‘I thought. ‘ That’s odd. I don’t even know who or what is the prime minister of Sweden. Is it a man or a woman? Didn’t they once elect a Lap/Reindeer in a joint stewardship of the Prime Ministership? Hmmm, I may be mistaken about that one but I am quite certain that I’m not really, really drunk so that proves I didn’t go to sleep in Sweden.’

I realize there may be some confusion for you, the reader since I had the perspective of being there and, as a result, heard the announcer say the words “The Health Care Bill passed” which, of course, is pronounced “You are now living in 1980’s Sweden and will be subject to soul-crushing taxes” I guess I should be careful and as accurate as possible so I am not 100% certain that there is a hyphen in Soul-Crushing. It seems right but so does the insane idea that our rights are given to us by the government rather than the reality that our rights are intrinsic to being human. That is to say that we have them and the government can not trample on them with its ideas of governmental interest or overpowering desire to mother us into re-electing them.

I can’t recall agreeing to emigrate to Sweden. I certainly don’t recall agreeing to toss out a Republic and replace it with a Socialist Democracy.  I know that over the past few months the majority, by a wide margin majority,  or Americans had expressed their opinion that they had no interest in learning to speak Swedish, give over 60% of their income in taxes or allow ideologues to lord over their health care.  Obviously it matters not since I went to Boston and somewhere, I suspect it was that wrong turn on Rt 128, I veered off into Sweden.

I’m lucky ’cause I’ve been to Sweden before.  I spent a month there one week in the fall of 1994. It was a country of overpowering drunkenness despite the fact that taxation made a bottle of beer cost $14 and a half hour phone call to the states cost $385. Beautiful people the Swedes. Very tall, very drunk while being very tall.  I’m also lucky since I have a string of Swedish friends here in Sweden II as I am now prone to call it.  One of them is named Per. That’s pronounced Pear or Pair. Per and his Swedish II wife Alice are born again Christians. Per found his way to Jesus while sitting, meditating in a hash field in Morocco.   I once asked Per why he came to the United States. Helaughed.

“The same reason that every young person in Sweden comes to the United States. In Sweden you can never be rich. You can never even be wealthy. The taxes are so extreme that it’s impossible to afford anything other than a simple, swedish lifestyle. So if you have any get up and go, you get up and go. All the young people leave and come the United States So that we can live a good life. Then we retire in Sweden. ”

Per has a lengthy list of Swedish expatriates that back up his story. I haven’t called him but I am certain that he must be angry to have woken up in Sweden as well. It doesn’t fit his plans at all.

I do feel some consolation knowing that Garrison Keeler must be terrified this morning. In the late seventies, after years of pontificating about Sweden being the promised land he moved there. He voted with his feet. Then his feet voted and he ran straight back when he discovered that a mouthy turd can not demand whoopingly huge chunks of public money in Sweden as a rewardfor being a mouthy turd. He returned to America with his tail between his legs.

So here we are friends, in Sweden II. It’s got some issues that Sweden I doesn’t have. For example the Real Sweden has a small homogenous population with NO IMMIGRATION.  (they must have learned their lesson when they let in the mouthy turd) It also has centuries of social tradition defining the government as the center of the human experience as compared to our experience  in Sweden II where the tradition of the government being the center of human ambition is only measured in comparison to the tenure of the NY Times editorial board.  

So where will we go with this new creation Sweden II? Let me make a few predictions.  First we will reward the tyrants that shoved this massive entitlement down our throats despite the plain evidence of our disapproval by turning them out into the street and branding them so that they never again can come within a thousand miles of the Swedish Capitol . I know that they believe that they have once again purchased our votes with our own hard-earned dollars. I pray that this is not true. This is how they will play it.

It will slowly dawn on them that the backlash against them is going to be on a scale that they cannot comprehend.  They will scramble to hire millions of people on the government payroll in an effort to outright purchase themselves enough votes to stem the bleed out of their party. Their deeper strategy is a large bet on the long-term ascendancy of entitlement as a steady state.  They will resign themselves to four years of being banished to the wilderness. Up until then they will pack the rolls with as many bureaucrats as they can muster and as many layers of law and nested programs within nested programs to make the unraveling of this system next to impossible.  Then they will fall from power.

As we approach their destruction at the hands of the electorate we will hear for the first time a sickening refrain that will haunt our children’s ears for the balance of their lives.

“Fear them!!!” they will scream “If they come to power they will TAKE AWAY YOUR RIGHTS!!!”

Sadly, the more that young people hear this the more they may believe it. People are prone to fear and the Socialists have just gained control of living and dying. There is no more powerful gambit save control over having a full belly this week. How far off can that be?

©Brad Morrison/Billiken Media

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~ by Brad Morrison on March 22, 2010.

One Response to “I went to sleep in Boston and I woke up in Sweden”

  1. “Sweden has a homogeneous population with NO IMMIGRATION!” Are you kidding me! You need to update your national stereotypes.

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